come ride with me through the veins of history

muse

In case you didn't already know, yours truly is the world's biggest dumbass. What heinous act of stupidity have I committed this time?

- I was watching Big Fish (director's commentary) in the living room and I want fried rice.

- I go to the kitchen, remove the package of fried rice from the fridge and put in the microwave (forgetting that styrofoam can't be microwaved).

- I heat it up for 45 seconds.

- I return to living room to watch more Big Fish while waiting.

- The timer sounds.

- I return to kitchen. Something smells funny. There's bits of black stuff floating around in the air. There appears to be something glowing from within the microwave. That's odd.

- I open the microwave door. I see the remains of an exploded styrofoam box blazing at me, all black and sticky. The walls of the oven are like a mini Hiroshima.

- I stare at the flaming wreck for 10 nonplussed seconds. For some reason I can't get my brain to register that what I'm looking at is real and not a special effect (too much Tim Burton, I suspect).

- I come to and dowse out the flames with 3 or 4 panicky dashes to the sink and back.

- I spend the next hour scrubbing the inside of the microwave with a sponge, 2 rags and 2 trees worth of paper towels.

- I sweep up the layer of ashes coating the room.

- I throw away my fried rice.

Nobody in my house knows about this incident as yet. I hope they never know! If someone asks how come the plastic on the microwave buttons has melted, or why the inside is several shades greyer than it used to be... well... I'll come up with something.